Another example of how not to query

In a long line of embarrassing query attempts that make the rest of us writers want to hunt down and beat the guilty party (bit harsh, maybe? meh), here is the latest tale of horror and woe that befalls the slush pile.

Working alongside Jenny Rappaport, this agent had a disturbing run-in with someone who A. Never took off their capslock, and B. Tried for emotional blackmail with the death of a close relative. That's just wrong, folks.

Read the whole exchange in this post:

http://jmeadows.livejournal.com/643066.html

Here's a taste for those not yet brave enough to click the link:

Him:
I HAVE NOVELS BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER, I LOST EVERYTHING I OWNED BECAUSE OF A LIE. MY WRITING IS GREAT IF YOU HAVE IMAGINATION. GUIDELINES ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE. MY NOVELS ARE SCI-FI-FANTASY-COPING. IF YOU ARE A REAL AGENT YOU CAN GET ME THE BOOK DEAL I WANT.

So...not that I think any of the intelligent, emotionally stable and certifiably not-insane folks that I usually interact with are going to pull this kind of stunt on an agent, but I just felt it was necessary to post this as a warning. Kind of like sticking the conquered enemy's head on a pike outside your castle gate, yaknow? Never done that? Come on. You know you have.

Oh, and Happy New Year, everyone!

I see that smile.

Prepare for the contest

Jason Evans, the moderator of the Clarity of Night blog, is gearing up for another short fiction contest. For those of you who have taken part in these before, you should be getting excited. For those of you who haven't entered this contest before, here's your chance.

The way it works is this: Evans posts a picture he's taken as a source of inspiration. All stories must draw somehow from the provided image. Usually the wordcount it 250 or less, and tons of people contribute, ranging all genres and styles.

Evans is planning to start the contest to kick off the new year, so keep checking back for official rules and entry guidelines. He has also provided the contest image a bit early so we can get our muses running on the hamster wheel.

Here it is:

I see that smile.

The Gift

Since I'm in denial that the holidays are over (and since we still have New Years Eve coming up), let me point you to the website of Jenn Reese, who has posted one of her short stories based on the Zodiac. This one is about the queen of the snow leopards and her son.

The Gift

Enjoy.

And how was your Christmas? Do tell.

I see that smile.

A great writing blog I recently discovered

With the tagline of "Kill your darlings," The Blood Red Pencil has post after post of excellent writing, revising and editing advice. Staffed by a growing number of magazine and book editors from all across the industry (their goal is to eventually have 50 editors contributing) BRP covers topics from dialogue to common writing mistakes to avoiding cliches to understanding proofreader's marks. 

Just browsing through past posts will have you stumbling across something that can be applied to your current work, I guarantee it. And these people know what they're talking about. So if you are an editor, consider joining and helping enlighten writers everywhere. And if you're a writer, pay close attention to this blog. We should never stop learning.

In holiday news, the blog will go on hiatus till after I get back from Christmas, which probably won't be until next week. Have a Merry Christmas everyone! See you in the new year.

I see that smile.

"Gears of the City" book excerpt

Having read Felix Gilman's Thunderer, this excerpt of his new sequel, Gears of the City, quickly reminded me why I enjoyed his first book so much. He created an extraordinary world composed of one enormous city, with gods that mucked about in the streets and sewers or flew above the clouds. People who went to zoos filled with other people who had been touched by said gods. Flying warships, and all sorts of political and military intrigue, with a dash of Peter Pan thrown in for good measure. And his wordplay is gorgeous. How can you not enjoy that kind of book? 

So I was delighted to see the sequel coming out, which follows a character from the previous book and details the last days of the infinite city of Ararat. 

Here's the first chapter of Gears of the City:

http://io9.com/photogallery/gearsofthecitybook/

Oh, and be sure to check out his website (http://felixgilman.com/) where Gilman has a drawing set up for the end of the year. Send in your name and email address and he'll randomly select some folks to get a free copy of the book. 

I see that smile. 

Read Brandon Sanderson's new SF story on Tor

Everything I've read of Brandon Sanderson's so far has been fantasy, even if fantasy with somewhat rules-oriented systems of magic. So it is fun to see that Tor has made a new novella of his available on their website (for free) and it is purely science fiction. Read it here:

Firstborn, by Brandon Sanderson

Then let us know what you think. Anyone picked up Hero of Ages yet? Anyone excited about the last book in the Wheel of Time series that Sanderson is currently barreling through?

I see that smile.

Hellboy 2 sock puppet show

If you enjoyed either or both of the Hellboy movies, then check out this sock puppet presentation of Hellboy 2, which sums up the plot (and plot holes) in less than 6 minutes, and in a rather amusing fashion. 

I see that smile.

My sinuses and throat are guest bloggers this morning

Sinuses: Sniffle snort snuffle snoggity snort!

Throat: Hackity huck hah! Cough wheeze, gaspity gargle.

S: Snufflety sniff snuff?

T: Rasppppp. 

S: Snortle choo sniffity.

T: *clogged drain impression*

S: *mightily impressed snuffles*

T: Hack gaspolah bleargh!

S: Bleargh?

T: Bleargh.

He kissed what?

If you haven't heard already, kissing has now become nigh unto a superpower. Apparently it can make you go deaf, if done properly. 

No idea what I'm talking about? Lookee here: Kiss ruptures girl's eardrum...

So...in the holiday spirit, let me remind everyone to KEEP AWAY FROM MISTLETOE! 

Now give the person next to you a hug...

I see that smile.

Neil Gaiman’s Illustrated Apocalypse

Many of you may have guessed through previous posts that Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite authors out there at this time. So it was fun to see one of his poems (about the Apocalypse...or multiple Apocalypses...or is that Apocalypsese? Apocalypticals?) illustrated by artist Jouri Koponen.

If it's hard to read on this blog, check out the link. Still might have to squint.

http://io9.com/5109106/neil-gaimans-illustrated-multi+pronged-apocalypse

Also check out his illustrated short story, Babycakes.

http://ljconstantine.com/babycakes/page1.htm

Warning: Subject matter of Babycakes might be a little disturbing for those with children. Fortunately, the more graphic parts are left up to your imagination. You have been...well, see the first word of this section.

I see that smile.

Ghost of when?

Hat tip to the Editorial Ass. who made me laugh with this cartoon.

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=898


Always good to end a week with a laugh. Aside from writing, any weekend plans?


I see that smile.

Writing routines revealed

I checked on my WIP yesterday and found out I'm about a third of the way through already at a 30k word count. It might turn out longer, but it will have to develop that way. Not going to shove in more pages unless there really is a need for them.

Enjoying the story so far. I'm in the phase where it's no a huge struggle to get into the flow of words, having gotten much of the world and characters fleshed out to where they can walk around and do things kinda on their own without me having to scratch my head every other sentence, wondering what happens next. Also trying for a bit more humorous slant in this story. Not full-blown comedy or anything, but just seeing if I can get some smiles and laughs despite serious events and such. We'll see if that succeeds. It'll be a while before this is complete and ready to be beta-read.

How goes the writing on your end? For inspiration, here is a cool article that pulls snippets from author interviews where they talk about their writing routines, or lack thereof. 

http://io9.com/5106135/science-fiction-novelists-reveal-their-daily-writing-routines

The one that struck me the most was Haruki Murakami's routine, where he says:

"When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long — six months to a year — requires a good amount of mental and physical strength. In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity."

Man...makes me feel like I'm not taking my writing nearly serious enough. Still...4 AM? That's just an unholy hour. God isn't even up that early if He can help it.

I see that smile.

The Ultimate First Paragraph Challenge

Nathan Bransford has gone crazy again and started up another first paragraph contest. Thursday is the deadline, so get your entries posted soon! When I entered, the count had already hit 686. This morning it's up to 939. Yowza. That's a lot of words to judge. Good luck, Nathan.

http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/12/2nd-sort-of-annual-stupendously.html

Rules are through the link, plus take the time to read a handful of the other submissions. Interesting stuff out there. Let me know if you enter so I can hunt down your paragraph, or just stick it in the comments here too.

I see that smile.

Pure gold

A big hat tip to The Swivet for pulling up all these great videos--Monty Python's Science Fiction Sketch. Seems there might be a theme brewing this week. 







Yes, they're cheesy, but that's most of the fun. See how many science fiction cliches you can spot. 

I see that smile.

Time travel short film

A great short video to start the week with. Here, at the end of WWII, we have a Nazi experiment to develop a time travel serum, and the strange effects it has on the test subject and the guard tasked to watch over him. Enjoy.

http://io9.com/5103095/nazi-experiment-gives-prisoner-trippy-time+travel-powers

Click through the link to start. Then we can have some lovely discussions about all the fun troubles involved in writing about time travel in the first place. Ever tried it?

I see that smile.

Don't fake it

Not what you think. I'm talking about faking an agent submission.

What do I mean by that?

Well, by now, most of us ought to know how the submission process works. In its simplest form, you start with a query, and if that is approved, you are usually invited to send sample chapters or pages. If those are also enjoyed, then it's time to send in the full manuscript in the hopes of getting that phone call sometime in the next couple of months. 

And what happens when that initial query is rejected? You sniffle a lot, perhaps weep into your pillow for a bit, and then buck up, pick your next agent or agency  to query and move on, right?

Or do you fake the agent's email and send in a bogus partial submission that they never actually requested, believing that they might be conned into thinking they did in fact want to see your work? Like this guy did...

http://dianafox.livejournal.com/4789.html?style=mine

Read it all yet? Is that thumping noise the sound of you banging your head against the nearest wall? Yup. The best part, in my opinion, is that he submitted chapters 4-6 which, in his mind, are likely the chapters where "the story gets good," a classic mistake in showing your work to anyone. This guy is on the same level as the crook who pulls out a gun on a bank tellar who is sitting behind six inches of bulletproof glass. I'm kind of surprised she didn't post his name despite whatever privacy laws are in place...but let me assure you, that name has likely been shared with the other literary agents she corresponds with. A lot of communication goes on between agencies, especially when idiots are concerned. 

So don't fake it. It's not gonna make either party happy in the end.

I see that smile.

Didn't realize how bad it was over there

Part of me wonders if I'd stayed in New York, working for Simon & Schuster, whether I'd be feeling the publishing crunch like some people are these days. I loved working there, but there's no guarantee that I'd still have a job right now. Especially considering news posts like this one:

http://antickmusings.blogspot.com/2008/12/merry-christmas-for-book-publishing.html

Yesterday is now apparently being called "Black Wednesday" in publishing circles for all the job cuts that happened. What...did all the headers of the publishing companies get together over lunch and decide this one day was when it all needed to go down? That if people got laid off together, they'd at least be able to commiserate over their lunch breaks? 

To any of my past coworkers and friends out that way, drop me a line if you need some support. Probably doesn't help that December is known as the notorious "slow" month of the industry, either.

Anyone smilin'? Hit us up with some good news to balance this out. 

Stories never written

Since yesterday linked us up to stories summed up in one sentence, here's another good afternoon-wastin' site where writer and webcomic artist Geoffry Norman expounds on story plots that he never actually got around to writing--and he's glad he didn't. He explains where the idea came from and the reasons it's a good thing they stayed buried in the dark recesses of his mind:

http://www.lazyliteratus.com/376

My favorite:

Plot:

A small-town sheriff visits his father’s farm to find the house on fire, the barn burning, and his Pa brutally beaten by the doorstep.

His last words are, “They took her. They took…Betty.”

The father dies.

The sheriff then makes a trek to the big city and enlists the help of his older brother to uncover who did this, all the while not telling him about “Betty.”

It turns out Betty is a naturally grown…behemoth of a cow, standing tall at thirty feet. Her captors are a fast food conglomerate bent on using her DNA as a template for creating better, larger beefstock.

Uh…yeah…

Reason for Discard:

C’mon, the plot device is a giant cow. What more reason do I need to throw this in the shredder?

Got any plot ideas you've tucked away, never to be revealed upon pain of death? Do tell.

I see that smile.

One-sentence stories

A fun site to whittle away your time on:

http://onesentence.org/

People tell strange, funny, worrying, or downright bizarre stories in just one sentence. What would your sentence be?

I see that smile.

Things writers overlook

Welcome back from vacation, everyone, and a merry December to ya. I hope the break was fun and restful, full of good food and time with family and friends. Perhaps even some good writing done?

I'm a few scenes into the newest work, which I am enjoying so far. Still in the honeymoon phase with it, even if it took a while to get engaged. Revising two of my other stories based on a ton of feedback I've gotten over the past month, mostly from OWW. Have a few queries out, some partials, and a short story that has been in review at a magazine for, oh, seven months now? Anyways, life goes on, and so do the stories. How are things on your end?

Since revision is a big thing with me now, let's take a look at this article, which details Ten Mistakes Writers Don't See (But can easily fix when they do).

Good material here. I already have figured out a couple things I tend to do. Like:

REPEATS
Just about every writer unconsciously leans on a “crutch” word

I have wibble-wobble words. Like "something," "absolutely," "just about." Ones that I think emphasize a point or image I need to make, but in fact weaken it.

EMPTY ADVERBS

Another big one for me, and a lot of learning writers. We try to spruce up sentences with pretty descriptives, but in reality, we're padding the environment unnecessarily.

THE “TO BE” WORDS

Once your eye is attuned to the frequent use of the “to be” words - “am,” “is,” “are,” “was,” “were,” “be,” “being,” “been” and others - you’ll be appalled at how quickly they flatten prose and slow your pace to a crawl.

And yet another I've had to look for often enough. It helps though to go back during revisions and see which instances I can replace with more interesting, active verbs, rather than the usual passive and present "to be"s. 

What are some areas you see yourself struggling on or improving in?

I see that smile.